Decorating a huge mega space without really knowing how...

Trying to think of budget ways to decorate the wedding reception like the tables and the foyer and the actual reception space and I don't know what else. I did write it down.
Actually forget BUDGET ways to decorate - I don't know how to decorate it at all!
Because the reception space *thinks* is more than 100 years old - maybe 115... we can't stick things to the wall except for hooks that can be attached to the picture rail.
So basically I have no idea of how to decorate this enormous space.
Ideas I've had so far are:

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Tissue paper pompoms

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Geometric paper garlands

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Origami balloons

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Fairy lights

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Tulle draped from the ceiling (lighting rig)

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 String ball lights (for want of a better/proper name for it)

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Lanterns. I like lanterns. A lot.

This is just decorating the general space. I have a foyer to decorate too for when people are arriving and just hanging out having a beverage before the wedding reception begins properly. 

And the reception has to match the ceremony location (this is not something I've told must happen, it is something that my inner Bridezilla wants - sometimes I have to listen to her).

Then I have the table centrepieces to figure out, and FLOWERS ARE SO EXPENSIVE. Plus 80+ chairs to make look pretty as the current chairs at the venue are about 60 years old (no lie) and *might* be replaced before Wedding Time, and might not be. And usually people hire seat covers for them, and I don't really want to spend $300+ on having someone put a pretty sash on the chairs.

So if anyone's out there reading this blog - do you have any ideas on how to decorate a massive function space where I can't actually stick anything to the walls. 

Help? Help please?

Tutorial: How to make fabric flowers

Once upon a time I was a bridesmaid in a wedding and the bride decided that all the bridesmaids would carry bouquets just like the one you see here.
All the flowers were made of wood.
Have no idea where the bride got the flowers from, and although she told me, my baby girl was five weeks old when I was a bridesmaid and I have no idea of a lot of things that happened at the end of 2010. Even now I find a lot of toys and clothes that were given to us and have no idea where they came from.
Anyway.
In keeping with my Martha Stewart theme, and because I was quoted $210 for a bridal bouquet, I am flirting with the idea of making a bouquet of flowers out of fabric. I am thinking of doing this for a lot of reasons, such as saving money, getting the exact colour that I want, being able to keep my wedding flowers, saving money etc.
I was looking around the internet and I've found a lot of tutorials telling me how to make flowers out of any conceivable material - paper, cloth, leather, metal, cling wrap, old chip packets*, anything and everything.
So I am going to try out a few tutorials to see if the flowers that I produce actually look realistic (as this is a big factor for me) and whether they are easy to make, because while I love to craft, I also don't have enough time to spend a full day to make a single flower.
So the first tutorial that I came across was over at ehow, and it was a tutorial to make flowers that look like roses or camellias. I am a fan of both type of flower, so I had a go. I am going to copy the instructions here after I've translated into Australian-ese, but the original tutorial is here in all it's imperial glory. I've added pictures that I have taken as the original tutorial didn't have images.

How To Make Fabric Flowers

Ingredients:

scraps of fabric, scissors, thread, hand-sewing needle, button (optional), fray-check (optional)

Method:

1. Cut two 10x10cm squares of fabric, two 7.5x7.5cm squares of fabric and two 5x5cm squares of fabric.

As you can see, my squares are not 'square'. Straightness of sides will not matter.

2. Fold each square of fabric in half, then fold it in half again.

NOTE: I did not take a photo of the folded squares. However, you want the squares to be folded into a rectangle and then into a square. 

Why didn't I take a photo of this??

3. Trim the unfolded edges of the fabric into a scalloped shape. (The scallops don't have to be perfectly even to make a nice flower shape.)

The wonky sides on the squares get trimmed off here. It doesn't matter how unevern you cut the scallops (which as far as I can tell is a half circle, half square shape, the shape of a guitar pick), as petals are not all identical in nature.

4. Unfold the fabric, then cut slits between the scallops toward the center of the flower, without cutting the petals all the way apart. These slits will make it easier to fluff out the petals and make the flower more three-dimensional.

The scallop unfolded

I cut each slit to be about half the width of the narrowest part of the scallop. Not sure if it was too much or too little.

5. Place the two large flower pieces on top of each other. Pull the petals of the lower flower up through the slits between the upper petals, to make the flower petals fluffier.

Any the wiser of what it's meant to look like? Me neither. But you can see that this red shape has at least seven roundy petal bits. I angled the petals so they overlapped.

6. Repeat step 5 with the pair of medium flower petals, and the pair of small flower petals.

All of the petals paired up and ready to be assembled into a beautiful camellia/rose.

7. Stack the flower petal pairs on top of each other, with the largest petals on the bottom and the smallest petals on the top. Make sure the petal pairs are centered.

Stacked and ready to go.

8. Stitch the layers of the flower together through the center, using a few small hand stitches. Add a button to the center of the flower if you wish.

I used blue thread for contrast and used about six stitches to secure the petals together. Then I wrapped the rest of the thread around the bottom of the flower to make the petals bunch together and look more realistic.

The finished flower. I didn't add a button this time, but perhaps next time I will.

Epilogue:

I confess, this time I cut my squares the wrong size which threw the flower out of whack. Instead of two squares each of 10cm, 7.5cm and 5cm, I cut the largest at 12.5cm (5 inches), and didn't cut the smallest square as specified in the tutorial. This was due to me wanting to make this flower before going out for a walk with my housemates. If I was to do this again, I'd follow the instructions more carefully. 

I do like these flowers, and I am not intending for everyone at the wedding to go 'ZOMG! Those are not real flowers?' but I also want them to look semi-real.

So what do you think people - do these flowers look OK?

*OK, didn't find a tutorial for making flowers out of chip packets, but I am sure I could find one if I really tried hard.

I'm so crafty...

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Found this today. It made me laugh and I thought I'd share it.

It's true. Making people is a pretty crafty pursuit.

Wedding Meltdown Number 1

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So I am ten and a bit months away from the Grand Event (or Wedding of the Year - both are interchangable terms) and I've cracked the sads over three developments that have, er, developed in relation to my wedding and one that is overall. I'm going to share because they have surprisingly upset me quite a bit. Shall change the names to protect the innocent but as this blog is for me to talk about the wedding I'll talk about them here.
OK, well here goes:
1. The engagement party.
It is true that the Man and me have not organised a swanky cocktail party/buffet/twelve course degustation dinner at the Waldorf Astoria. We were going to do it in November last year but people were too busy, so now we are combining our engagement party with a housewarming so people can check out our new house, but people are not coming. So far seven people have said they'll come, and six of those are family, with my bestie from Melb... I mean, er... Brisbane confirming that she'll come. Have invited thirty people, and seven will come. Poor show. And what does this indicate for when the wedding rolls around - that people will wait for a better offer before RSVPing? Or that they won't bother coming at all? I am racking my brains to find a way to make the Wedding of the Year interesting enough to travel for. I mean, for the engagement party we COULD have hired a function centre and had 200 people there, and had it catered and all the jazz, but we didn't want to. And I (probably the Man was told too) that you don't make a fuss if you already live with your partner, and already have kids (of which we have one). We don't want presents, we just want the opportunity to celebrate with people. And as no one else has thought to throw us a party to celebrate that finally the Man proposed to me after over a year of hounding by everyone, we decided we'd do it ourselves, and even saving the travel effort of our guests by combining it with a housewarming, but so far the general consensus is a big Who Cares.
2. The Dress
This is a quick one. I asked a friend who is a dressmaker to make my dress as I can't find anything that I can try on, let alone that I like and she suggested for cost reasons that I look for my dress on the internet. She probably means well, but if I could find my dress anywhere I'd buy it, but I can't buy it.
3. Miscellaneous
Was going to have three bridesmaids, but now because of family drama I am probably having just two, and even then, I am not sure that I will have two bridesmaids by the time the wedding rolls around.
I know we are all busy but I think I have seen one of the bridesmaids only once in the last three months just because she is busy with her job, and I am busy with the Bub. I mean, the onyl way I talk to her is via Twitter, or Facebook, and even so she says she'll *probably* come to the housewarming slash engagement depending on whether her husband's made other plans. I think of all the sads I have cracked in the last few days this is the biggest sad of all. I just don't understand. When I have been a bridesmaid (once during exam time, and once shortly after the Bub was born) I tried my hardest to help out with the weddings I was involved in - but I am not getting the feeling that people want to help me and it makes me very upset.
4. The overall feeling that no one really cares
It is fair to say that The Man likes to keep things close to his chest. And because of this people have learnt not to push us for wedding details - but so far there were no details TO discuss. But at the moment there are two weddings in the family, and I think everyone has wedding overload and so when I bring up the topic of our impending nuptials, no one cares. Basically that's it. No one cares. Sad hey? If no one cares, I am so ready to pack The Man, The Bub and me up and eloping.
That's not a threat, it's a promise if the current climate of CBF continues.

Blog Repost: Vocabulary Lesson #2 - Papa (or Mama)-razzi

I found this on 'Kiss My Tulle' and it made me laugh so hard that I had to repost it here:

The Ranty Bride: Vocabulary Lesson #2 - Papa (or Mama)-razzi

Papa- or mama-razzi: relatives who think - because they have a digital camera and a Facebook page - they have been ordained to capture every single second of your wedding, resulting in photos of bridal party members and guests looking annoyed, chewing, not paying attention, or just out of focus, like this:

(sorry, Jenna - I tried to stop him)

Or, this:

(note how NOT A SINGLE PERSON is looking at the camera, or doing anything interesting, unless you think the fact that they're wearing an ugly holiday sweater un-ironically in early October interesting)

Or this gem:

(my mother *insists* she is not flicking off my father, but you be the judge)

They do this despite the fact that you're paying - handsomely, I might add - a professional photographer, and, unlike that professional who is trying to capture candid, heartfelt moments in an unobtrusive manner, the papa- and mama-razzi manage to be as obtrusive as humanely possible, including, but not limited to, preventing the bride and groom from eating, talking to their guests, or, you know, getting photographed by the REAL photographer. Additionally, the focus they devote to their photographic duties prevents them from paying attention to things like, for example, your wedding rehearsal, so they will be completely unprepared on the big day. Don't say I didn't warn you.

A la TMZ, their goal is to post BREAKING NEWS of your special day as quickly as possible, so that filter that would normally say, "Eh, maybe not this one," is overridden by their journalistic urgency, causing them to put shit like this on Facebook, captioned, "My son and daughter":

...not realizing that people (ok, me) might think it's gross when people are commenting, "Congrats, you two!!" until someone points out it's a photo of the groom's SISTER creepily clinging onto him (in velour, apparently), and not, you know, a picture of the bride and groom, as the commenters (not just me! Ha.) were expecting.

Sidenote: shout-out and thanks to all the random FB people who pointed out it was, in fact, creepy, so I didn't have to. Also the, "I think it's, 'Look, it's my widdle brother all growed up!'" comment? Not helping your cause. And it's 'beaucoup,' not 'boo coo,' for Christ's sake. That is totally unrelated but REALLY pushing my grammar button today.

Yes, it should have been a warning every time he interrupted your dance recital rehearsals to take fuzzy, poorly lit photos of you and random kids whose names you won't remember twenty years later, and good thing it was the 80s, because now? They'd probably call the cops. Or Chris Hansen.

Reality TV Wedding Goodness

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Have found the most hilarious new* TV show called Four Weddings that I watched for the first time the other night. First The Man was watching it and asked me what it was about and then I sat down and had a squiz so I could explain what was happening and now today I am frantically googling it to see what there is to know about it.
It's hilarious! All these brides who are probably lovely in the real world are snipy and horrible to each other and they criticise EVERYTHING, like one bride had her wedding in the police chapel and one of the other brides said the chapel was a bit boring (or something like that - it was not a resounding pat on the back for the bride's choice of applause for the wedding ceremony venue anyway).
Here is a picture of the boring police academy chapel. Totally average as I'm sure you'll agree. And then elsewhere in the show, one of the brides ordered scallops at the reception even though she didn't really like them and then begrudgingly admitted that they were really good.

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And way back when me and my non-engaged friends were young(er) and well before my bub was ever thought of and before I'd ever even met The Man, I used to go to my friend's place and watch Bridezillas and we'd laugh at the craaazy people on there. I have so many favourites, and again I am sure these ladies (and sometimes men) are perfectly normal, sane, rational people, but TV editing does not do them any favours. There was the chick who made about 20 cakes as centrepieces for the tables at her reception and then thy; the whiny chick from Texas who didn't like her fiance's haircut, the woman who had about 20 bridesmaids and had her wedding in a castle and who was being a princess in all definitions of the word, the man who wanted everyone to be ferried to the wedding in golfcarts for free and the wedding reception people said no. And the money they'd spend. ABSOLUTELY CRIMINAL - 'oh, my budget was $80,000 but I've gone over and now it's $110,000'. What? Where do you get that much money to spend? Where do I go to get this money? Anyway, now that friend is an old married woman and I am an old un-married woman with a baby, and so those days of Bridezilla marathons are long gone. Plus I don't have AusStar so I don't get those good TV shows.



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And the other wedding TV show that I used to love, that I also used to watch with my married lady friend on her AusStar was Engaged and Underage. This one was fascinating firstly because all the people on the show were at least 8 years younger than me and had boyfriends/girlfriends and in some cases babies. Also because it was Bridezillas with children! So much more scope for tantrum-throwing. I used to stream this on my laptop because it was so fascinating to watch. I used to pretend my zipcode was 90210. It was a fantastic show to watch because of the couples seemed so mature and other couples were... um... less so. What I DO remember from this show is that one of the couples started their own non-profit organisation To Write Love On Her Arms which I thought was pretty cool.


*Well, it's new for me at least

Cake Horror

I am petrified that my wedding will end up 'lame'. It will almost be a destination wedding, because the people from my adopted hometown who think driving 20 minutes is ridiculous won't love travelling TO ANOTHER TOWN! And the people from my actual hometown who actually are travelling 90 minutes or more just to see me and the man prance around in fancy clothes,
One of my biggest wedding related fears comes from one of my favourite blogs, Cake Wrecks. The terrible terrible cakes that appear on this blog make me realise that these cakes could happen to me. And oh, God, if I was appalled at the slap-dash effort put into icing my bub's birthday cake, I will be horrified by a wedding cake that's anything less than awesome.
And while all the Cake Wrecks were enough to strike horror into my heart, this one totally freaked me out because the person who made it hd totally no contact with the people who ordered it, then it turned up as you can see, right before the reception, also it tasted awful.
Fail. Fail. Fail!
I don't know what kind of cake we are getting, but I know it has to be awesome. I will not settle for second best.
I know, I KNOW I am a Bridezilla in the making, but at least I am up front about it.
And to further entertain you, here is a link to Wrecky Wedding Week over at Cake Wrecks. It's from last year but the horror and bad-cakemanship lives on. Specially for the people who paid good money to have these cakes made.
*Shudders*